Teenage pregnancies are often wrongly associated with people from the poorer class. Because of the mean comments from outsiders, it is very difficult for teenage mothers to tell their story. That’s why we want to give these teenage mothers the chance to break this taboo atmosphere.
At Blogzine we have a team of different writers, story tellers and bloggers. Each of them specialized in their own niche. Motherhood and family is one of them. And as we have a couple of moms in our team, we are used to talk about kids and babies on a daily base. But what about teenage pregnancies? One of our writers, was a teen mom herself and is sharing her story anonymously with us today.
I was a teenage mother and I wouldn’t have it any other way
The years before being pregnant
My husband moved in with me at my parents house when I was 16 years old. He had a troubled band with his stepmom and he really needed a warm home. This unique situation brought us closer to each other during the years we have been together.
Being together day in and day out at such a young age was of course not easy. Especially when you are living with your parents. You have to consider each other’s opinions and the rules of the house. And that sometimes caused stressful situations. Sometimes to the point where we were thinking of breaking up. Just like in the summer of 2011.
The moment I got the news
We had booked our first weekend to Ostend, a city at the Belgian coast. And here we agreed that if we were still in a bad flow after this trip, we would split up. But fortunately we quickly grew back together and our band became as strong as before. Luckily, because on our last day, I had a crazy weird feeling. Something in my head told me to take a pregnancy test. Call it a mother instinct, because It turned out to be positive. I was pregnant.
I was 17 years old and pregnant. Our lives were completely turned upside down from the second we got the results. But my gut instinct didn’t hesitate for a moment: this baby stayed with us. No matter how difficult it was going to be!
What frightened me the most were the outside reactions. Because no matter how you look at it, everyone has an opinion about a teenager who is pregnant. It just doesn’t fit in with our culture. And I was afraid people would judge about my situation too.
The possibility of abortion
A question people often ask us is whether we have considered abortion. And this is actually a two side story. Because we did visit the abortion clinic, just because my husband’s mother actually died of a hereditary disease and we were scared it would run in thee family. So we didn’t know if my husband had it and so the baby could be sick as well. That is why we went to talk to the doctors of the abortion center and there we also saw the very first ultrasound of our baby. A super small dot made by us and it was love at first sight.
But I do understand people who choose for abortion. Anyone who makes the decision to have an abortion has their own personal reason. And no one but you can decide whether this is the right decision or not!
Nowadays it’s less taboo to have an abortion and there are a lot of clinics and doctors to guide you through the process. If you are pregnant and not sure if you want to keep the baby, talk to your family doctor and discuss the possibilities together.
The pregnancy and delivery
My pregnancy itself was anything but easy. The first four months I couldn’t keep any food or drink inside and because of my pelvis, I had to rest flat around 4 months of pregnancy. This lead to not being able to finish my last school year.
Fortunately, the delivery came quick. It also went flawless and it all went well. The only bad thing of that day was that I had a lot of hunger, a small detail that I really didn’t see coming. Even worse, they torture you by bringing your husband a plateau of food in front of you and tell you that you don’t get anything because you can’t eat if you have to give birth. And everyone who knows me knows I love food, so this was really worse than giving birth itself.
But as I said, everything went flawlessly and I hadn’t really had any bad experiences of my teen pregnancy so far. All family and friends were very happy and were looking forward so much to the arrival of our baby. But everything changed when I was alone with my little baby in my hospital room. The midwives didn’t hide the fact that they didn’t agree with a young mother like me. And they made that extra clear by making mean comments and always asking about our age.
Motherhood and parenting
When you’re new parents leaving the hospital, you pierce some kind of bubble. Those first days you live in a small room that is completely dedicated to you and your baby. A super happy place, next to the grumpy midwives as detail. And after a week you take a step back into the real world.
I can really remember being overwhelmed by all the emotions and pressure from outside. When I think back to this moment, I realize that I did notice that maybe I was too young. It was the first moment ever that these thoughts overwhelmed me by the emotions. This caused me having difficulties to place it all and for a moment I couldn’t dare to be alone with my baby. It was panic. Pure panic.
But I’m lucky to have such a loving family. Without their help, I would never have become the mummy I am now. And thanks to them, my self-confidence grew every day.
No one prepares you for it
The next difficult part was to get to know and recognize every little sound of my baby. Something that turned out to be very useful at 5 weeks of age when he kept screaming. I just knew something was wrong and went to the hospital. Once we got into the emergency room, we were told that by the E.R. doctor that they wanted to send us home without an examination. Completely in shock I said “No, he needs to be examined!” Then the doctor snarled at me: “I’m sure you’ve had cramps before and that hurts. Go home with your baby and it’ll pass.”
I got really angry and demanded that my child be examined immediately. There was nothing that could stop me from giving my child the best care it deserved. And luckily I persisted as he had a severe urinary tract infection.
The hospital staff confessed that at first they didn’t believe us because we were so young. They had mistakenly labeled us as a young couple who wanted to drop their child somewhere for a night to go out. Something that was completely unjustified.
How is life now?
In the past 8 years that we have been married, we rent a house and I also finished my degree in human sciences. So if you’re wondering if I regret being I’m a young mother, I’ll say no. My family makes me who I am, I haven’t regretted a second.
But the fact remains that without the help of my husband and parents, I would have never achieved what I did as a teenage mother.