They say it often “always follow your gut feeling”, or your intuition. And I have to be honest, it’s a phrase that I greatly underestimated for years. Often I thought I had that feeling and reacted to situations that seemed most appropriate to me. But last weekend was different. Only then did I discover how your intuition works, how to trust it. And I am enormously grateful to myself that I listened to my gut feeling….
Intuition is seeing with the soul.
How can I best describe “listening to your gut feeling”? It’s really a feeling, without needing a reason or explanation. Hard to explain but I’ll do my best for you. Your intuition is like a voice from your soul telling you that something is wrong. That you know the possible answer and only need confirmation. And with that feeling, you go looking for the answer. At least in my case…
It all revolves around love
A few months ago I met someone, yes through the famous app Tinder. Coincidentally just before boarding the plane back to Belgium. Soon the conversation went smooth and casual. I, who has been telling myself for years that it’s better to be alone than together and unhappy, found it quite a spontaneous contact and decided to give it a fair chance. Because you know what they say: everyone deserves a fair chance. So in this case, that’s what I gave.
For the first few weeks, I was very awaiting, pretty much distanced myself and was surprised by nothing. I let it grow naturally and it was only when I noticed that he was really putting effort into getting to know me that I decided to open up.
And once I did, things went wonderfully well. Maybe a little too well in retrospect. We called several times daily, shared our days, told each other about projects and so on. It was like we were living together, but from a distance. That’s how long and often we hung out on the phone together. Which therefore gave me no reason to think or see anything suspicious. He lived alone, there was never anyone around him and even if he went outside to do something, he would call me and I would see where he was. So well played.
The first weekend together was great
Of course, with the prospect of our move to the Dominican Republic, it was doubly fun to also look forward to seeing him, being with him and growing the relationship. Once I booked my tickets we counted down together to the moment he could pick me up. And soon that day was here and he picked me up with a bouquet of flowers. Totally nervous, although to this day I still don’t know why. Especially now that I know the truth.
The first few days went well, we kept calling often, saw each other whenever possible and along my side I couldn’t wait to spend a lot of time together and get to know each other better. Because, of course, staying in touch from a distance on a daily basis is not the same as being with each other on a daily basis. I was ready to put all my energy and time into each other. But soon one excuse after another came. First it was his car, then his work and after the first few days I already decided to go to him independently, without warning.
I told him honestly that I had expected much more, that I didn’t understand why his energy wasn’t in balance with mine and after a few hours of talking we moved on and it was all history. Great if you asked me. Although after that weekend I ended up in a black hole….
I had been in the country for two weeks and we had previously discussed that I would stay with him after some time. So I was ready to stay with him soon and really work on our life, together. However, the week before, all communication fell through. I received a message every other day and did not understand at all what was going on. Until one day he sent that he was going to his family and he didn’t know when he would be back. And that’s when my gut feeling started working….
It wasn’t successful on the first attempt
First, I wished him a good trip. Because as I said before, I give everyone a fair chance. My character is just that I try to keep seeing the good in everyone. But after a few days, I really began to wonder if he was really gone. After a week, I decided to go out again, without warning. But he wasn’t home, lucky him. On the second attempt, though, it was successful. And how! Upon arriving, I first saw his car and when I looked up, I likewise saw the light on in his apartment. So he was effectively at home. Or was there someone else?
I went upstairs with my knees buckling, had to take a few good breaths in and out before I dared to ring the door. But I had come so far that I just had to know the truth. Again he opened, as surprised as the first time and I asked him politely to be honest and tell me why I hardly heard him anymore. After talking together for half an hour, he asked if we could meet tomorrow because he was extremely tired. Indeed, it was already quite late, so I went ahead. After all, with the curfew here, I really didn’t want to end up without an Uber and be stuck there.
Her eyes told me everything
So with a small heart for the conversation the following day, I headed out the door. I informed Angelo of my mission and as I walked out there was another woman standing at the apartment building. Something told me it wasn’t right, my gut feeling in this case. So I played the local and asked her if she lived there before letting her in. She confidently told me that she had come to pick up something at 303, his number. And she saw from my eyes what was happening. I did in hers.
Quickly she asked me if I was his girlfriend, hesitantly I said yes, “Oh fine, I’ll just come and pick something up quickly!” was her reaction. And on we both went. However, I called Angelo and told him with huge tears that this felt not right. I sat down outside just next to his car to come to my positive for a moment, because nothing was confirmed right? Maybe I was making it all worse than it really was. So I decided to order my Uber and meanwhile there was a huge argument somewhere in one of the apartments. I heard glass being thrown on the floor and thought to myself “Oh well, it could be worse!”.
Two years for her, three months for me
A few minutes before my Uber arrived, she returned. She called out to me and said “Honey, I’m telling you honestly…. I’ve been his girlfriend for two years.” The world collapsed for both of us at that moment. Without aggression, without blaming each other, we walked up to each other and started talking. Like two grown women among themselves. Both of us realized very quickly that we never expected this.
I must honestly say that I am immensely grateful for her mature response. She spoke English so we were fortunately able to communicate smoothly and clearly. I shared my story, she shared hers. They had been living together for two years, yes in the same apartment. Can you imagine if I had moved in? He probably realized the week before I came that with all his lies he had gotten himself into trouble. And that’s when he started to look for excuses. Because how could I possibly move in when she was there practically every day?
Together we went back upstairs. She took my hand and this time we went on a mission together. He, of course, realized we knew it once we were knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell and trying to contact him. There was no way out. We were going to confront him.
Finally he opened the door and then I saw it. The glass breaking and the argument was coming from his apartment. Everything was full of glass. His facial expression made him unrecognizable. In shock I stared at him, my hand in front of my mouth. Like a statue, like a piece of furniture. I just didn’t know how to react. She took the lead and called out everything possible. His reaction? That he had never suggested I get with him and that she should just expect him to be with someone else someday.
And then the door went back in. Her world collapsed after 2 years, mine after 3 months. Because even though it was short, it was no less intense. When she collapsed I took her in my arms. We finally shared together grief, disbelief and the painful feeling of being deceived.
The processing process
Ten minutes later I got a message “This is all your fault. If you hadn’t come unexpectedly none of this would have happened”. With a defeated feeling I took the Uber back home and blocked his number. And even if it have only been a few months that I knew him, or thought I knew him, it really doesn’t hurt any less to be cheated on when it’s a shorter period of time. You think you know someone in a certain way, you believe in the goodness and suddenly everything turns completely around. And he blames me?
For an hour, the girl and I called each other on the way home and sent each other messages for the next few days. She genuinely asked me how I was doing, how I felt and I in turn if she was okay.
It is very crazy how such a gut feeling led to discovering the truth. She too had a gut feeling that night since he normally came to pick her up. But because I came knocking on the door unexpectedly, he never came and so she stood there. It was fate she said….
But to be honest, my feelings still change several times daily. Sometimes I just want to send and call him like before, wishing him a good morning or a good night. Other times my stomach completely turns and I am disgusted. And while I know many of you say “You deserve better, it’s his loss!”, right now I feel more like I’ve lost myself.
It will take time to walk around confidently again and to be able to see the good in humanity again. These days I read and hear so many stories about people being cheated. And thanks to my intuition, I was able to stop it in time with myself. Because for how long could this have continued if I had not followed it?
Fortunately, these are questions I no longer have to ask myself. My main question now is: “What am I going to do today that really makes me happy? And what can I do today so that my future looks even brighter?”. And speaking of the future, I will always follow my gut feeling from now on. Hopefully you will too!