Motherhood is a beautiful thing. But it’s also very lonely. Today Stephanie tells you why it’s so important to have a mommy friend. Because now that you’re a mom, you’ve changed. As a person but also as a friend. It seems you have a whole new perspective on life, on yourself, and even on the meaning behind friendships.
In the beginning, you basically live in that cocoon of you and your newborn baby. As if everything out there doesn’t matter. After living in that cocoon for a while, between nappies and food, you’re done. You realize more and more that you need girlfriends. Someone to talk to, about the kids or not. I know what it’s like, because I’ve been there myself.
In my opinion, social contact is one of the basic needs a person needs. Even as a mom you need this contact, maybe more than ever.But I’m not the same person I was before I became a mom. I don’t need girlfriends to invite me on trips to the discotheque. Even though I love my girlfriends without kids to death, I also need mommy girlfriends. Finding mommy girlfriends can be compared to dating or swiping on Tinder. You find out exactly what you need. You organize different playdates with moms and kids and along the way you discover: does this match?
My mommy friends are my support, with them at my side I overcome the wild storms of parenthood. Generally you discover what you find important in a mummy friendship. Today I’m going to give you my golden rules.
1. How quickly do you judge?
Look, I really do understand that you have your own visions. I also understand that you do things that seem best to you. And that’s okay. But how quickly do you judge me? Are you open to other methods or my way of doing things? I judge myself often enough already, so I don’t need a girlfriend to do this for me. I also look strange sometimes when I see a mother sitting in the cafeteria with her kids. She’s on her cell phone and the kids who need to get busy. Of course then I think: how unsociable can you be?
But I’m sensible enough not to pass judgment. Who knows, maybe that mum has been playing with her children all morning and now she has to answer urgent e-mails? Maybe the mummy is looking for something her children have asked her? Or maybe this is a single mom who gets an answer on one of her dates? In short: it’s not my job to judge her. Nobody’s perfect, she’s not and I’m far from it.
2. Do you have a sense of humor?
We can grumble and complain, but can we have a laugh, please? Life is serious enough as it is, and at home I also have to deal with a toddler experimenting with tantrums when she doesn’t get her way. When I get together with my mommy friends I just want to be able to laugh.
I want to laugh at the fact that my child doesn’t wear two identical socks, I want to laugh because I’ve been walking in leggings for a whole week. Laughing is what I want to do and I don’t want to be serious every time my daughter is angry because her teddy doesn’t listen or she suddenly looks at me arrogantly and rolls her eyes. With my mommy friends I want to laugh about it, see the humour of it and preferably with a big glass of wine.
3. Can we eat together?
It is completely allowed that you follow some diet or are the vivid slogan of healthy food. But on our dates, I want to eat whatever I find. An ice cream, a taco, a plate of warm snacks while our kids play in the playground. I don’t have to eat raw vegetables every time as a snack because I’m already busy promoting vegetables at home.
Oh, and never say it’s too early for wine. Because then the friendship stops right there.
4. Can you have a discussion with me?
If we’re friends, it doesn’t mean we have to agree all the time. I keep to the time of Annabels sleep. If you’d rather put your kids to bed after 9:00, that’s your choice. That doesn’t make us any worse girlfriends. On the contrary. If I breastfeed and you prefer artificial feeding, I don’t see any problem in this. It’s okay to talk about it. It needs to be discussed.
I want to be able to ask questions and get answers I can think about. Why would I have that vaccination? How can I get my baby to sleep faster? When do I switch from breastfeeding to artificial feeding?
5. But most of all, are you honest with me?
I don’t need a mommy friend who disguises everything or pretends to be so perfect with her. Cause I’m sober enough to know this doesn’t exist. I want to motivate you to become a better version of yourself, just like I expect you to be. But I don’t need a mommy friend who lies or hides the less good sides.
I want the pure truth, no matter how hard it is at times. You don’t have to tell me there’s nothing wrong with you or I’ll quit. I don’t need a mommy friend pretending to be the perfect instagram model when it comes to motherhood. I want a real mommy friend.
A mother’s life can be lonely, believe me. You really need those mommy friends. So in this case, be picky. Take it as seriously as a night on Tinder. Because once you’ve found such a sincere, honest, mommy friend, she’s worth gold. And oh, do you match the above criteria and are you looking for a mommy friend? Then be sure to contact me. I’m already convinced we’re a good match.