The mother mafia, who are they?


Every mom have had to deal with the mommy mafia before. In every aspect of motherhood, there is a group of ladies behind their computers blowing off steam and reacting to mothers who don’t do it, how it should be done. At least in their eyes. Whether it’s about washable diapers, sleep rituals, nutrition or vaccinations, they sit everywhere and escape is impossible. But then, who are they? Stephanie will tell you all about them!

When I was pregnant I accidentally found a Facebook group for moms who would give birth in 2017. Soon I became a member of this group. I thought I would find a group of the same kind that I experienced. Together we would count down to each other’s deliveries, share tips against morning sickness or show off our baby rooms. In general I was very satisfied in this group and learned things I didn’t know yet. 

Successful mothers are not the ones that have never struggled. They are the ones that never give up

The dark side of the mom group

But I also quickly got to know the other side of the group. The group had about 500 members. Each individual had her own life story, her own views and experiences. This quickly caused cracks to appear in the community that I had first experienced as something nice. If somebody posted a picture of her crib, she immediately got an overload of comments: so many cuddles in bed are dangerous, a blanket is not done, was the mattress breathable, why was there no alarm against cot death? The short feeling of pride disappeared for this mummy. Instead of pride, she was left with guilt. What a bad mother she was, wasn’t she?!

As my motherhood progressed, I became more and more confronted with the mafia. If I bought a baby carrier, I got an abundance of reactions. My baby was too low, I bought a terrible one, hadn’t I read in? My baby carrier was of a terrible brand, not at all ergonomic! In fact, I shouldn’t even give it away for free because it was the worst of all. I should be ashamed that I had put my baby in this one!

And so the same thing happened with the breastfeeding. Because I sincerely wanted to do my best to breastfeed, I joined an online group. But soon it became clear to me that I had ended up in the breastfeeding mafia. Breastfeeding is something you do for a minimum of two years, supplementary breastfeeding with artificial feeding is unacceptable. Soon I set myself high standards in order to comply with these statements. And every time I didn’t seem to meet their demands, I felt I had failed. In my eyes, I was a bad mother.

So who are they?

The mother mafia is a group of moms who look innocent at first. It is a collective term for women who make it a sport to point out mistakes to other mothers and to saddle them with an inferiority complex. No these mommies don’t walk around with uniforms or black sunglasses. It’s the women behind their computers screaming from the rooftops how badly you do it. 

Then why do they exist if they’re so bad? Simple. The line between an ordinary mother and a mother from the Mafia is small. Suppose I see a mommy with her baby in the baby carrier on her bike. I don’t think this is right. It’s unsafe and I would never risk it myself. Is it my job to point this out to that mummy? No, it’s not. Because in my opinion, this mommy is doing what she thinks is right. If I gave a rant to this mother, I wouldn’t be a hair better than the mother mafia.

Live and let live, is my philosophy. Every mommy does what she can, what she wants and has her own thoughts about it. So I put myself at the so long – my – child – is – happy – mafia. Are you joining?  

This article has been written by Stephanie De Vroe from @SMOTHERHOODS

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