It’s Pride Month! Although there are no parades this year, Blogzine pays special attention to the queer community. Time to reveal the results of the online Queer Survey about coming out, relationships, sexuality and body positivity.
If a girl wants to be a warrior Let her be a a fucking warrior If a boy wants to be a princess Let him be a fucking princess
Last month I conducted an online survey through my Instagram stories. In this article I am revealing the answers and discuss certain issues. In order to properly interpret the results of the survey, it is important to share insight into who completed the survey as it might not represent the community as a whole.
When a queer person does it’s coming-out, he/she/they tells something noone or only a few people knew. Most of them feel vulnerable taking someone in confidence to share something very personal with them. How that person will react is not always predictable. A lot of fear and doubt can precede it. Sometimes there is even a lot of time between the decision to come out of the closet and actually doing it.
The research shows that almost 1 in 4 is scared to come out of the closet. When they finally do so, in most cases it goes well. In 20 % of the cases it did not go well and they had to deal with angry parents, bullying or hurtful statements from friends and family. 1 in 10 was even put at the door after coming out.
Out and proud
Once the coming out is over, the worst is over, isn’t it? Unfortunately, reality is different. 1 in 4 indicates that he/she/they cannot be openly queer in his/her/their own town or village. Almost half of the queer community deals with someone bullying or insulting them at least once a year. In 20 % of the cases even every month. 5 % of the people surveyed experiences homophobia every day. In most cases homophobia is limited to swearing words and remarks, in some cases violence is also involved. In recent years, the number of cases of queer bashing has risen significantly in our country.
I hate the word homophobia. It’s not a phobia. You are not scared. You are an asshole! – Morgan Freeman
Relationships and dating
Half of the interviewees do not currently have a relationship. The other half either have a partner, are married or are about to get married. 3 out of 4 find it difficult to find a (or the right) partner.
Dating is hard for everyone, whether you are straight or queer. But these are common issues almost every queer person has to deal with:
1. not sure if the other person is into the gender you identify with
2. pre-defined gender roles in queer couples make no sense
3. transphobia is a thing
4. higher rate of disapproval of the family
5. people question queer people’s sexuality
6. it’s possible to be considered too feminine/too masculine
7. it can be seen just as a fling
8. sharing exes happens very often
9. public display of affection is a risk
3 out of 4 says he/she/they sometimes feels insecure about his/her/their body. Number one is mainly because of their physique. More than half feels uncomfortable in the skin, and would like to lose weight or have more muscles. 1 in 10 also feels insecure about his/her/they private parts. With transgenders and transexuals this number rises to almost 85%.
Within the homosexual community there is also a big taboo around penis size. There’s evidence gay men take all this particularly seriously. A study (ten years ago) proved the connection between penis size and the self-confidence of a (gay) man. In extreme cases, men can suffer from body dysmorphic disorder*. This can eventually lead to anti-social behaviour, depression and even suicide.
*body dismorphic disorder: obsessive idea that some aspect of one’s own body part or appearance is severely flawed and therefore warrants exceptional measures to hide or fix it.
Let’s talk about sex
One of the most hated questions for a same-sex couple is: “who is the male/who is the female in bed?”. Although the sexual position and gender in a heterosexual couple are predefined, this is not the case with a queer couple. A female type of man can take up any sexual position: top, bottom or versatile. The same goes for a lesbian couple or a transgender couple.
1 in 3 has already been told that he/she/they is/are too masculin or too feminim to be either gay, bi, lesbian or queer. And 1 out of 4 has been rejected by a potential partner because he/she/they was/ were too masculin/too feminin. However, more half of the interviewees said that they would date a transgender man or woman.
Talking openly about sex with a partner doesn’t seem that difficult for many couples. That’s a good thing, because you’d better talk about what you like or dislike. Some things are certainly worth discussing, such as sex toys. 1 in 3 is in possession of a sex toy and prefers to use it together with his/her/their partner. 25% of the interviewees also like dirty talk.
As said before, these results are not representative for all members of the queer community in every country in the world. However, they do represent the results of the people interviewed during the online survey on instagram. If you want to discuss the numbers and wish to point out newer/broader statistics, don’t hesitate to send us a message.