Miscarriage, a call of nature nobody talks about

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If you scroll through Instagram or Facebook, you can’t miss it: a genderreveal here, a baby announcement there and of course all those pictures of brand new babies that are ready to discover the world. Beautiful, isn’t it? Not for everyone. 1 in 10 pregnancies ends in a miscarriage and we’re not even sure if these numbers are 100% correct. For the women who have had a miscarriage, such an early baby luck is a knife in the heart. Nasrien talked to Naomi, who had a miscarriage last year at 11 weeks. 

Damn Naomi, 2019 was a tough year for you. 

It all started out beautifully. The day me and my boyfriend were together for three years, he gave me a card that said: in 2019 there will be three of us? He knew I wanted to get pregnant for a long time but he was reluctant. The same night we had a passionate moment, and guess what? I was pregnant! 

From the very first time? That’s very fast! 

Yes, I know! I actually knew from day one that I was pregnant. I felt my belly rumble, I was exhausted and my breasts grew like cabbage. When I finally saw the positive pregnancy test after two weeks, we immediately went to the doctor for a blood test. And yes, my boyfriend and I would be a mommy and a daddy. We were so incredibly happy.

Didn’t you have any idea something was wrong? 

On the contrary. I did everything by the book: I didn’t drink, I didn’t eat raw meat or unwashed vegetables, I didn’t take hot baths. I even rubbed my belly against stretch marks, I’d better be ahead of them anyway! After 6 weeks we could see our baby for the first time. I was super nervous, but the gynecologist reassured me immediately: nothing to worry about, madam. Your baby is growing well and has a very strong heartbeat! The chance that something goes wrong is small. 

So you were reassured? 

Sure I was! Although you always think of doomsday scenarios in the back of your mind. But on the other hand, you think: well, something like that doesn’t happen to me, does it? But everything went according to plan. The following weeks we informed our parents, sisters and brothers and they were all so happy! I’ve never felt happier than I did then. All the pieces of the puzzle fell in place. 

But then things went wrong?

Yes, it did. When I was 11 weeks pregnant, I had brown discharge. I called the gynecologist and she said: nothing to worry about, but if you really want to be reassured, just come by, we’ll do an ultrasound right away. My mum, my boyfriend and I drove straight to the gynecologist. She did the ultrasound and I immediately saw by her face that something was wrong. When she said: ’the baby is too small for the period you are in’ I still thought, well, it will be a small one! But shortly after she said: ’And I can’t find a heartbeat either’. Then my mum squeezed my leg and it turned black before my eyes. I’ve never felt so broken as I did then. 

And the nightmare wasn’t over yet.

That’s right, an 11-week-old baby sitting dead in your womb has to come out. Two days after that, I went under anesthesia and was, like, scraped out. I really thought the next few days I was gonna bleed to death. I was depressed, was crying all day long and felt failed as a woman. 

What? Failed as a woman? A miscarriage, there’s nothing you can do about it, is there?

If you think rationally, you know that, but I felt failed as a woman, friend, daughter, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law. I disappointed everyone who looked forward to that baby. I couldn’t even keep a child alive in my belly, what was I worth? 

What followed were hellish weeks, but I had a bright spot: six weeks after the miscarriage we could go for it again. My gynecologist said: you’re going to be pregnant again right away, mark my words. 

Since we’ve been over a year now and you haven’t had a baby yet, I suppose things turned out differently? 

My boyfriend dumped me six weeks after that miscarriage. I had to go through a whole mourning process for losing my child, and then he took the rest of my future away. 

Well, life goes the way it does. That baby’s gonna be there some day. And the thing is, I know now that I’m not gonna take being a mommy for granted and I’m gonna try to be the best mommy for that little miracle. 

Naomi, you’re a strong woman. I wish you good luck and all the best with healthy kids in the future!

This interview has been done and written out by @NASRIEN CNOPS

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