Column: The Ten Commandments of the Secret Toddler Club


Hey there, mommy of a toddler. This article is one of general interest. What Stephanie about to tell you is extremely important. Because she will tell you that your child is a member of a secret club, the toddler club. You don’t believe her? Then be sure to read on.

It’s extremely important. Because I’m telling you that your child is a member of a secret club, the toddler.

Thanks to my – almost! – three year old daughter and my godchild who is six months younger, I have been a witness of the secret toddler club for the past few years. Sneakily I don’t like anything more than staring at the two of them when they’re playing under them. As if they have some kind of secret code language and implicit rules of conduct.

Call me crazy, but I am one hundred percent convinced that every toddler is a member of a secret club. A secret organization in which they agree on how to behave and trust me when I say that they all follow these group rules properly.

Dear mommy (to be), do you sometimes ask yourself why your toddler behaves in a certain way? Then be sure to check the ten commandments of the toddler club, it explains a lot.

1. I will always wake up first

Whether mommy is planning on waking up quietly and enjoying a cup of hot coffee, forget it. I can sleep so heavenly well, as soon as I hear one footstep pass by I immediately wake up. Because I have a sixth sense for that. I had to miss you all night and was not allowed to play, so believe me; I am ready to start the day early. Unless I actually have to get up and you have planned an outing, then I may be tired and want to sleep late.

2. I will always answer “no” to a question

Sorry mom, in the year 2020 it is very important to have your own opinion and I am already developing it around the age of two. So sorry but you will have to get used to the fact that I will answer no questions by default. But hey, it’s strong that you raise a critical person, isn’t it?!

3. The secret forbidden eating vegetables

Since your parents are so eager to make us eat vegetables, we have decided to go against this. And beware, we are really wise enough to realize that Brussels sprouts are hidden in our pureed vegetables. So no, you’re not fooling us. 

Ps: you can always try it the original way by reading my previous article. It’s about finding a creative way to let your kids eat vegetables.

4. I will avoid any kind of logic

For the past few months I’ve been crazy about cheese on my sandwich and all I wanted was my plate of Minnie Mouse, but today I resolutely refuse. No I’m not tired or angry. Logic just isn’t in my toddler – dictionary.

5. I will always carry my passion for drawing and art with me, anytime, anywhere

Do you remember how proud you were of me, Mom, when I first scribbled something down on paper? You were so proud to call me your little artist. Creativity knows no bounds, not even on a drawing board. So sometimes I let myself go on the walls, the table or on the new couch. Like I said, creativity knows no boundaries.

6. I’ll fight as much as I can, that’s my new life goal

Put my clothes on? Eat what’s on the table? Change a diaper? Not without a fight. I’m sorry, Mom, but you’re teaching me that I have to become an independent person, that I always have to fight for what I want. So that’s what I’m doing.

7. I’ll kick a scene regularly, and preferably publicly

As I mentioned above, I try to stand up for my opinion as strongly as possible. So if you deprive me of things I would like, or if you assume that a bag of chips at eight o’clock in the morning – for one reason or another – is too early, then I will go against this. And no I am not ashamed of bystanders, on the contrary: the more the better.

8. I want to do as much as I can myself

Around the age of two, everything revolves even more around me and I demand to take control of my own life. Making my own decisions, choosing my own meals, and putting my clothes on myself. Especially when mommy is busy, I demand to put on my own sandals, even if it takes me ten minutes.

9. If I really have to do something myself, I’m gonna refuse

I know what I said above, but are you aware that this is not a constant fact. There are things I’d rather not do myself, such as cleaning up. For that task I politely refuse, well… Polite. I already told you I don’t have a problem with a scene.  

10. But I prefer to use my toddler arms to cuddle with mommy and daddy

I admit it honestly, I’m not the easiest person at this stage of my life. But it is claimed that adolescence is a lot more difficult. So this is not so bad, then, is it?! Above all, know how stubborn I can be, how loud I am sometimes in my opposition and how much I like to create a public scene, I really like you.

Do you recognize any of the above behaviors? Then you can be sure that your toddler is present at night at the meetings of the secret toddler club. By the way, did you like this article? Make sure you check the ten commandments of motherhood.

This article has been written by Stephanie De Vroe from @SMOTHERHOODS

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