Father’s Day is the moment of the year for many dads. Others are not at all excited about it. Father’s Day is also an important time for a lot of kids. In this week’s column, Angelo talks about how he will (not) celebrate Father’s Day this year.
Some days it seems like nothing has happened. Other days I realize how much there is no more.
This year I’m celebrating Father’s Day differently, or not at all. Let me briefly outline for those who are just now starting to read my column on Blogzine: my dad passed away on January 14 this year. And I just realized that last Father’s Day I wasn’t even with him, or not even had a special day or gift for him. That’s hitting me so hard right! On top of that it’s also his birthday in 10 days. And I haven’t thought about that either until June happened.
Every time I think: “I’m doing well, I’m past the worst part of the missing”, then suddenly I start missing him hard again. There are so many moments that I suddenly can no longer share with him. Like my move to the Dominican Republic. I’m sure he would have loved that. Crazy? Yes! But mostly awesome. He would have been really proud. And maybe he is too now up there or wherever he is.
I might have video chatted him to tell him that I have met someone. Someone who genuinely makes me happy and someone I can be myself with and not have to pretend. Someone he would love to have met because he is probably as crazy fun as I am. I’m sure he would constantly call me with questions or want to talk to him to see if he was treating me right. Because he was like that, always protective!
And so there is never a Father’s Day again. A day whose meaning I actually never really let sink in. Until now. Now I realize how important that day was to him, but also to me. And now that I no longer have one to celebrate, I miss it immensely. I miss something that I never thought was important. And that’s really weird. It’s hard for me to describe how hard I’m having with this to be honest. And the closer I get to June 13th or to June 22nd, the heavier the missing is.
In life, I probably don’t stop to think about how many things I actually have and how hard it would be to miss them. The same with people. I have a handful of friends, some acquaintances, and of course my family. And even though my dad passed away, I haven’t thought enough about the fact that they are there in the past few months. And that I am there. And that I may be important to them and they to me. That’s why I’m writing this column today. So if you are reading this: I am aware that you are (still) there; and that makes me happy!
So from now on I have to go through life without dad and without Father’s Day. And that is not easy, but I also go through life with a lot of love around me and that makes it just a little bit better. If you haven’t told your daddy, your mommy, your brother or sister today that you love them, I suggest you do so now. I’m not obliging you, but you will thank me! Love, Angelo!